Better Late Than Never

I’m Sorry, I’m not sure I ever told my loved ones I am sorry for trying to kill myself. I’m not talking just one time or even two times, I tried to kill myself six times. So I am truly sorry for the trauma I caused. I did not know the effects of my actions especially at the time of my chaos. I know that I was truly at a very low time in my life when these things happened; however I know I did not take into consideration of what it may cause for my loved ones. The excuse is that I was so depressed that I did not care about what anyone thought, OK well now it is almost 4 years since the last time I tried to kill myself.

I’m Sorry!!! I never meant to hurt anyone, now I have reflected on the situation from a new perspective. I see how helpless my loved ones felt, my husband unable to see the pain I was in and knowing him he was probably frustrated that he could not help me and also because he sincerely didn’t understand what I was feeling. He loved me through it too. Thanks baby. My children seeing me being taken away in handcuffs, being put in the back of a patty wagon. Also unable to help me, now forgiving me for my selfishness. And then there is my mother, yeah mom let’s bury your child. I am so sorry to all of you.

Now that I am “Healthy” I am stronger and able to look at this with new eyes. This is not to say I am cured, I live with a mental illness everyday. It is a part of me like having green eyes. I have a chemical imbalance so I will take medication for the rest of my life. It’s like taking heart medication because you have heart disease. I will talk about this more later.

Today is “Better late than never,” knowing I want people to know that I love you and I have forgiven me so I hope you can forgive me too. I’m Sorry!!!

 

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