Disclaimer: This may be offensive to some people, so I encourage you to heed the warning.
I am a freak of nature…….At the age of 4 I was diagnosed with a hip disease. To this day I can only pronounce the words not spell it. Leg-Perthese disease. Sounds weird, was weird because statistically 1 in 10 boys get it and only 1 in 100 girls get it. I was/am the proud recipient of the disease. I went through experimental surgery at the tender age of 5 at Shriner’s Hospital in Philadelphia, PA. For 3 months in 1972, June, July and August, I was in a body cast. Truly fun lying in a hospital bed in the dining room of my home, looking like the prize turkey stuffed into a mummy cast. I spent that summer listening to the kids play outside the window.
When the cast came off, they found out I got staff infection. My hip looked like juicy meat covered in white gravy. It was really disgusting. Then I had to be in “Isolation” because the infection had to heal. I was placed in a glass room, 4 walls of windows, sterile smelling, gown wearing, bed-pan using isolation. It was like a scene from some horror movie because most of the other kids looked like zombies and the nurses were mean. Because my family lived 3 hours away, they only came to visit on the weekends and even then sometime it was only 2 times a month.
The staff infection healed, but then I had to learn to walk again, and it seemed like it took forever for me to be able to go home………….
Then life got normal. No problems with my hip, I was able to do most things, walk, run, ride bikes, Normal…..But normal did not last. Welcome in Borderline Personality disorder! Diagnosed at 15 years old with a chemical imbalance and major depression…and self-harm. No one in the family that my mother knew of ever had this disorder……..As for my father, he stated that NO ONE in HIS family is mentally disordered!!!!!!! That was a fun time. More than once did my mother have to pull my dad off me for cursing at him. Being my mouthy self.
There is a pattern to all this! Throughout my life, I have always been “Different,” the odd man out per say. I walked my own path, then because I was trying hard to stay out of trouble, it found me…
I was seeing a guy after I moved back to KC after college. I was a single parent of a beautiful son, had a decent job, and was thinish. Anyway, I decided I was going to try a new contraceptive, over the counter, “Today” contraceptive sponge. The disaster happened a day later after a great night of F%$^&$#. I developed what felt like a flu, but as time ticked by I was getting sicker. I attempted to remove the sponge and it would not come out. I was panicking. I could not reach it, so the genius that I am grabbed a crochet hook and pulled it out. But still sick, vomiting and diarrhea. Feeling light headed, just wanted to sleep and I had a 3 year old son. It started on Friday and by Monday I could barely say my name. My sister came and took me to a clinic, getting me down the stairs, I had to hold on to the rail and bump down on my ass. We get there and I have 106 degree temperature and no blood pressure. I was told that I was taken in an ambulance to the trauma hospital, but I have no memory. I do remember in the ER my mother was with me and I told her that I did not want to be put on any ventilators or any other machine. Yelling at the doctors. That is all I remember until 3 days later when I wake up to a beautiful red headed male nurse saying, “Good morning” sleeping beauty. What put me in the hospital? Toxic-Shock Syndrome: the disease that killed several women after they used “Rely” tampons. Of course, I don’t get a flu, I get a killer. I survived: Freak of Nature!!!!!!!!!
I survived wrapping a car around a telephone pole, the $504.00 bill for the telephone pole, 5 years with a man that gave me two beautiful daughters, but terrorized me and my son. When I strong enough to leave, I ended up with friends, lovers and strangers taking advantage of my kindness. After all that I moved my kids and I North of the River, starting new, new job, new home, new life….No just new drugs, new depression, new abuse. As my children will state, I was the ugly abusive mother, “No wire hangers!!” So yes, I can own up to my problems, my disgraceful behavior; however, I was doing the best job I knew how to do. I was paying all the bills, working, going to every school functions, attending parent-teacher meeting and trying desperately not to crack up under pressure. The demons still came out and sometimes with a vengeance. I know that I wasn’t the best mom, but I know in my heart I love my kids and I did my best. DONE
What could be next? I met my husband in January and by October we were married. Then I lost my mind. Seriously, I was a mess. I had all the symptoms of PreMenapause, Hot Flashes, Night Sweats, unusual periods, and MOOD SWINGS. I thought I was Bi Polar. Nope! At the time I was 44 years old and started truly attempting suicide. I went to the hospital 7 times between 2011 and 2019. Went to therapy, went to group, got new medication….CRAZY!!!! I’m crazy. There is no other way to explain it. I would be doing great and then all of the sudden I felt like I was jumping off a cliff with no bottom. I never did the manic shit, it was always deep sadness.
I am 58 years old, I have stopped using red hair color that matches my nature shade and am attempting to go platinum blonde, only on top, frosted like… I went to my doctor to see what we could do for the hot flashes and night sweats…. Let’s try a LOW dose birth control. OK!!! NO, I am 58 and within the first week of taking the birth control, my old ass got a period, not just any period, it’s a gusher! And of course I asked to pharmacist if the pills would make me have a period and he assured me that only 1 and say 50 to 100 women ever experience a period at “YOUR” age……..F$%^ you!!!! Freak of Nature.
Last November I had to have my Gall Bladder removed, no problem with the surgery, got a clean bill of health, but for some weird reason my pancreas has decided that it wants attention so it gets inflamed. I have now also have to watch what I eat because some times my stomach tell my intestines that it really hated what I ate and then my intestines say send it on down! It is so fun to eat and then have to run to the bathroom to shit peanut butter out my ass. Peanut butter being the consistency of my shit.
Called my Digestive Specialist explained what was happening and he gives me an order to shit in a cup and take it to the lab, fecal sample test. That was a fun time! Got er done, go to the hospital with the “shit” in my purse, take the order to registration. I am told that the order has EXPIRED, WTF. I look at the registration person and politely explain that there is shit in my purse, what am I suppose to do with it if you don’t take it? Got it sorted out, dropped off the sample and go home. Never heard anything from the lab, go see the digestive specialist, ask about the sample, “No results” were sent here. Called the hospital, the lab tech says “We no have no test for you!!” “Wait, I Iook up.” “Oh, yes, Sample rejected.” Poop was too firm? What? When I handed it over, you could have spread that shit on toast.
I look forward to the rest of my life, at this point, there is no way but UP!!!! Please take time to laugh because if I wasn’t laughing at all this, I would have been given a jacket where I would be hugging myself and a nice padded room so I don’t hurt myself….
Lunatic Fringe Forever………..