Wrong!!!!

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, it is Wrong. The shape of your face, the color of your eyes, your weight or just anything that you say. I’m being wrong. Not by choice because I feel that I have the right to say my opinion. To logically express my feelings. NOPE! I’m wrong.

How is this determined? Who makes that judgement? Why is it that when I don’t agree with the group, I’m the one that is wrong? Is there a rule book stating that I have to go along with the group? I’m not allowed to object to anything that I see as wrong?

I’m tired of being wrong. I have had to lose everything in my life because I am seen as wrong. Well not everything. Thank God for my husband! He is standing with me on the wrong side. I have lost my children because they believe that I was wrong as a mother to them. Even when I was trying my damnedest to provide everything for them. I was wrong. I have to admit I made mistakes and I know that I was in a bad place when they were growing up, but I always tried to be a good mom. I was wrong.

It is so hard to know that I tried to do everything for my kids and now they will not let me in their lives because I am wrong. WTF does that mean? What did I do so bad that I am being shunned by them? I’m just wrong. WRONG!!

I’m wrong, with my family. My siblings have circled the wagons around my mother. Mainly because I am the wrong child. I am wrong for hurting my mother’s feelings. I am wrong for “using my mother as a Whipping post” when I am angry. It is believed that I take my anger out on my elderly mother. NO!!! I just had an opinion different then hers. I didn’t used to be wrong, in fact I was the good daughter. Mom and I had a really awesome relationship, but that is before I lost my mind. Before I challenged her. Before my sister turned my mother into a fragile old lady. My siblings have convinced my strong, independent mother that she is frail and that she is forgetful. My mother was the strongest woman I knew, before my sister came, moved in with mom and took over her life.

I’m wrong for wanting to have that strong mother back. She told me that if my siblings tried to take her independence away, she would pack up and go to Mexico. WTF! Now she is letting them control her. All I see is this conditioned person who is allowing her life to be dictated to her. I can’t watch it. I stopped talking to my mother in November last year because she can only talk about how she is in pain and that she needs to take a Valium so she can calm down. Don’t get me wrong, I am wrong, but I have Fibromyalgia too and I am fighting every day to not let this take over my life. But I am wrong.

I wrote about being abandoned. I was wrong! My family has completely shut me out. But I am wrong. No, Felicia, We love you!!! Love, WTF! I have not spoken to any of my family in over 6 months. As for my children it’s been 2 years, unless my baby girl calls me drunk. And even then she wants to know what I did to make her brother and sister hate me. God knows I wish I knew!!! But I am wrong…….

What I say, what I do, how I do it, when I do it and even why I do it, Wrong wrong wrong!!!! I am trying desperately to let go, but it is harder than I thought it would be. I am so angry and sad, but that is wrong. I know I did the best I could and I am wrong. I can’t make sense of any of this and I want to scream. That’s wrong. I am not even sure what it was that started this. It has been 6 months and I am still wrong.

My eyes, the shape of my face, my weight, my existence and my opinion is all wrong. WRONG!!! Everything I have ever done in my life is wrong. All of everything, no matter the intention Wrong!! Wrong, I am wrong. Nothing I can do, nothing I can say, NOTHING!!!!

Lunatic Fringe Forever……………………