So I was pondering in the shower the other morning.
The concept of perception.
I have been told over and over again that “That how I see any given situation is my Perception.”
OK, that is a true statement.
However, given that I have a Mental Illness what happens to my perception?
I know that there are times when the chaos in my brain can play tricks on my perception.
But I have spent the last years working with skills I have learned to calm the chaos.
Then I thought that I am told how good I am doing. Yeah me!
But then I don’t agree with someone else’s perception of a situation. OOOOO NOOOOO!
So then I am seen as the one with the flawed perception.
How is it that someone can see my improvement, know I am working hard to overcome the obstacles that I struggle with as symptoms of the Mental Illness, and I am doing so good, but my perception of any given situation is WRONG? “That is my perception.”
How does this work?
I am not allowed my own opinion, I am not supposed to express the feelings I have about a situation in my past that may be a “brick wall” I am trying to break down?
Because I see what happened in my past differently then another person may see it means because I am the one with “THE PROBLEM” I am the one that has the skewed perception?
I know I was taught to express myself factually, just use the facts of a situation and use I statements. OK, did that, but still after a logical, factual expression of the situation……
“THAT IS YOUR PERCEPTION!”
Yes it is, but that is what happened!
So if it is my perception, and my perception is skewed, so really I am not truly able to perceive correctly, but your perception of the situation is different then mine, but you don’t have a skewed perception, but that is not really happened. How is my perception wrong?
I feel as though I will never be seen as any more than a mental illness. That because I may not agree with the perception of others, I will be always seen as having the inability to interpret a situation clearly or be seen as having a skewed perception even if I know that my mind is clear.
Who makes the rules?
How long is the re-perception reload take?
Does it come with a user’s manual?
Can I find a YouTube video?
I don’t get it, am I just destined to be locked in the “Mental Illness” universe forever???????
By the way, If someone, anyone tells me “that is my perception!” I will truly have a earthquake of perception. FUCK!
Lunatic Fringe Forever……………….
3 thoughts on “Question?”
Shoot. I wanted to read the comments from others to this. Am I the only one here? **Looks around the room…. **. Hello? (Hello hello) is there anybody out there? Is there anyone at home? ( Home home home) (echo).
Confession: sometimes I read these , and sometimes I don’t. This one I did. Usually I can tell by your titles what angst has a hold of you at the time. Lately it has become painfully apparent that your anger level has become lodged and difficult for you to surpass. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to share a few observations. Oh wait, isn’t that also called perception?
I believe when we met you told me you had a Masters Degree in psychology. And, your reason for studying psychology was to heal your own life. I admired that. It’s my perception that most, if not all psychologists study the mind for the same reasons. Something, someone, somewhere drove them over the edge. It’s never been clear if they were healed or if they just learned to accept the crazy.
Learning the why’s and wherefores of mental illness may be half the battle. However, expecting everyone else to know how to communicate with them may be unrealistic. It’s been my own perception that when your audience “glazes” over and starts backing away and throwing barbs at you , or gaslighting you, or simply rolling their eyes at you, that they are trying to say they’ve had enough. They can’t listen anymore. Their last nerve just snapped.
That’s no comfort to the one trying to figure out what just happened, and when you’ve spent your whole life thinking, “is it me???”, You want answers. But, can the uninformed answer you?? Do they know?? Are they intimidated by the rising surge of anger that screams, “I WANT ANSWERS!!” ?
For all I know, the entire blog was rhetorical and you didn’t even want a response . It was just my perception that I had something to say.
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I try really hard to be “tongue in cheek” but yes there has been some CRAZY happening around me. This is my sounding board and my way of trying to allow the “normal” to see what it is like to face the crazy on a regular basis. My attempt it to give a glimpse into the brain of the crazy. Sometimes goo sometimes bad. I really get a lot of processing when I write. I love the PERCEPTION you gave me. It really helps. I have lived with BPD since I was 15 and the more I learn about it sometimes I wish I never knew. As I age things seem to get more complicated, but this blog is helping me weed through the chaos. Also I am an advocate for Mental Health improvements and try desperately to give a more personal experience to the issues. Thanks!!
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Bravo!! The mental health awareness and system need desperate attention. I’m certainly on your side!