It was brought to my attention that I may be seeking approval. Let me explain the situation, I have colored my hair after several years and right now I am in a Outpatient support group for my indiscretion (the confession). All the participants mentioned it and told me that it looked good; however, the therapist never mentioned that she liked it or not, so I jokingly went up to her after group and said “Everyone else mentioned my hair, but you never said anything and I was wondering what you thought.” Her response was, “Why do you need to seek my approval?” “We need to address that in group and when that issue presents itself we need to process it.”
OK, so I was just pulling her leg. I really did not see this as a therapy moment. More like a ha ha let me give you shit for not letting me know of you liked my hair color. So then it hit me, “Do I look for other’s approval to reassure myself that I am OK?” There it is I am now second guessing myself and questioning my true motive for asking about my hair. Well then am I looking for approval when I ask my husband if my ass looks fat in these pants? That could be a yes.
Most women I know look to get some kind of approval since I can say with some certainty that we all have some insecurities, that we are looking for approval. Think about what it is that you want from this life, what is going to get it for you and how will you know that it is OK to go after it. Especially if you are uncertain that you are enough. I know I so need someone to say, “Yes, your hair looks nice and I like it,” or “You really are doing a good job.” For me it is reassurance that I made a good decision on the hair color or that I am doing what is needed to “fit in,” maybe. I truly in my heart could give a damn what other people think because I like my hair color choice and I am the one wearing it. (I think so?)
Do you know what I am saying? Can you feel that poke in your side that gives you pause? Shit, all I wanted to know is if she liked my hair and now I am doubting my whole existence. Then the it has turned to, “you could journal about it and explore why you may need my approval and do you seek approval in other relationships?” I just want to know if you like my hair? How did this happen? “Call mom!”
“Mom, so I was razzing my therapist about the fact that everyone in the group mentioned they liked my new hair color, but she never said anything to me. Her response was that I was looking for her approval and she asked why that was so important to me and that we should explore that deeper. My mother was quiet for a moment and she said perfectly, “Your therapist has no sense of humor!” I love my mom! Of course I defended my therapist and said she probably did not understand that I was joking. Mom reassured me that because we as a family have a unique sense of humor most people have no clue how to take it.
After all the second guessing, self doubt or the questioning of one’s existence it comes down to one real truth: “CALL MOM, no matter what she will always know exactly what to say to make you feel approved.”
Lunatic Fringe Forever!