So I spent the last weeks with the FLU……as each day goes by I am feeling better. Now the fun begins, time to sweep out the dust and let the sun shine through the windows. All I can think of is BBQ and fresh flowers. Any sign of Spring will be great. The birds singing and the tree blossoms. My favorite is the lilacs blooming. I can’t wait for a forever home so I can plant lilac bushes.
I remember times when the weather would be sunny and warm for the first time. Taking walks at the lake with the March winds blowing. There is a scent in the air that reminds me of running in the playground with friends, swinging and sliding down the slide.
I wish that life could be that simple again. Where the worries of adulthood disappeared. Then the realization of the things that have happened in my life intrude on my brain, remembering the struggles and poof the simplicity is gone.
I know that I am trying to see the silver lining of life and be optimistic for the future, but there is a shadow of depression that seems to continue to follow me. I take my medicine, I use the tools I learned in therapy and still I find myself spending most days in front of the TV, mindlessly passing the day away.
I know that part of the problem is that the sun is not shining and there are very few birds singing. I know I have “cabin fever” you know that feeling that the walls are caving in on you. I know that since the flu hit me I have had to stay in the house away from people. So with no real human interaction I spend a lot of time in my own brain and that is a scary place, sometimes.
I am rambling and that is not good. I am having trouble finishing a thought. So I will let this post hopefully speak to someone on its own merits. I think someone can relate to the confusion. I am chalking it up to “Seasonal Effective Disorder,” and moving on to the next item on my agenda. A big cup of coffee. It’s 5am and I got up because the husband is snoring and I didn’t want to smother him in his sleep. I am kidding!!!
Lunatic Fringe Forever………….