Conceptually Looking at Suicide

Suicide, taking your own life, is a tragic reaction to stressful life situations — and all the more tragic because suicide can be prevented. Whether you’re considering suicide or know someone who feels suicidal, learn suicide warning signs and how to reach out for immediate help and professional treatment. You may save a life — your own or someone else’s.

It may seem like there’s no way to solve your problems and that suicide is the only way to end the pain. But you can take steps to stay safe — and start enjoying your life again

Suicide or ending one’s own life, is a tragic event with strong emotional repercussions for its survivors and for families of its victims. More than 44,000 people in the U.S. killed themselves in 2015, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, making it the 10th leading cause of death overall. Although many suicide prevention programs focus on helping teenagers, the highest number of suicides in the U.S. in 2015 occurred among people ages 45 to 54. Men are especially at risk, with a suicide rate approximately four times higher than that of women. There are also major disparities amongst ethnic and racial groups, with American Indian and Alaskan Natives being the highest risk groups.

It is so crazy to look at these statistics. And every year this changes of who is more at risk for this behavior. I am a statistic now that I attempted suicide 6 times and I am in the age range of 45 to 55. However, I am female, so I only attempt. I am guessing that is a good thing when it comes to suicide. I know that this subject is not a joking thing, but sometimes if I don’t joke I would be depressed all the time. Especially thinking about how many lives I would have hurt by my actions. Now that each person who in this state of mind could care less about anyone else and has their own story to tell that has been in this place.

I can only tell about me, I have lived with depression since I was 15 years old or even younger. I just remember that was when it became a struggle. I’m not sure the trigger or why I was like that, but I was diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder which I will discuss another time. I know that I was sad a lot in fact more than half my life. I was drifting through what I thought what life should be. Nothing seemed to matter and it was as though I could care less, but I was here and I had to fake it. I spent my early life in and out of the hospital and because I was sick I felt like a burden, I had to have all the attention a lot of the time which I didn’t want. For me I wanted to be in the shadows and I didn’t want anyone to notice.

Getting to the point where life is not an option takes a lot of stress, triggers, or some overwhelming event that has altered a person’s perspective. In my case, not only do I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes a whole slue of chaos, I have a skewed view of me.  There is a long history of poor self-esteem and self sabotage. For some reason I didn’t believe I was worth having good things in my life. Being healthier now, I can’t even tell you why.

“Getting to the point where life isn’t an option,” it’s been almost 5 years since the last time I was in the hospital because I tried to kill myself. So what made me want to die? I was sick, in pain, frustrated, I was tired and there was a long list of things that could have made me feel this way. I felt as though it would so much better if I was gone, I wouldn’t hurt anymore. I cried so much that I don’t remember stopping other than when I was sleeping which was 20hours out of 24.

“Getting to the point where life isn’t an option!” Think about how that sounds, a person you love or you feel this way. What? I wrote this and I am truly aware of the fact that at six times in my life it was not an option. WOW!

Ask for help! Talk to someone! Please! I don’t have all the answers because I was there and I know when I felt that way if anyone came at me saying they knew how I felt I was like F$%# you, I didn’t care about shit and no one was going to tell me anything. Just please find a way to reach out and family pay attention.

Next discussion, When someone is suicidal.

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